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Author Topic: Slowly introducing my girlfriend to naturism  (Read 1941 times)
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myllanac
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« on: February 01, 2006, 03:46:54 AM »

Hey all,

I\'m slowly starting to introduce my girlfriend to naturism. We just started going nude together pretty recently, so we\'re still at the point where we\'re getting comfortable with each other. I found out today (the hard way) that she doesn\'t appreciate my divided attention when we\'re nude together. The short version is that we were nude earlier today and I dismissed myself to check my email after going to the fridge for a drink, and afterwards she became distant. I found out later that doing that made her feel unnoticed or unappreciated. She said she wanted our time nude together to be something special with no distractions. I was trying to show her (without telling her) what the naturist lifestyle is about, but she took it as a rejection. We have since cleared up the confusion, but the point is that I realized I have to take this slower than I had previously thought.

So, can I get some advice as to how to proceed? Any helpful resources I can refer her to? When the time is right I\'m going to refer her to SunnyDay\'s site. It was very helpful for me. I may even tell her about this forum if she really starts to express an interest.

Some womanly advice would be nice too. What is she feeling? How is the process of discovering naturism different for girls than guys? How can I help her on her own journey of discovery? What can I do to not get in the way?

Thanks in advance!

~myllanac
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xgsft
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« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2006, 06:06:14 AM »

I think more time with her would help.  I can understand how if you don\'t see each other often how surfing the web or doing other things when she is around would make her upset. However, assuming you are together often being nude around each other more would make it a routine thing rather than a intimate experiance as she sees it as.
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jeep
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« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2006, 06:24:21 AM »

I agree with xgsft there, presently she is still considering the fact you are both nude as a intimate or semi sexual experience. But thats just becouse she will still have the mindset that being nude means you are washing, dressing or engaging in sexual activity. Encourage her to be nude for everyday activities around the house, especially those that are far from intimate or could be deemed erotic in any way, such as doing the dishes or working on an assignment.
  She will soon see that nudity itself is not about being intimate or sexual (Although there is a time and place for that) but about freedom and a healthy open mind.
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shuyin
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« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2006, 05:50:27 PM »

I nevy you to have already had a nude day with your girlfriend. Tessa and I still wanna do that. My advice is well ummmm, ahhh, eeehh I dunno. Like I said no experience yet. What I would do is be close to her all the time (not too close if you know what mean, still wanna do this the slow way). Girls like the undivided attention bit. Well hope this post helps (although I wouldn\'t know how, cuz there\'s nothing usefull in it)

Jeffrey
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jeep
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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2006, 06:12:28 PM »

Hi Shuyin
    Your post is helpfull actually. even though you have not had the communal experience with your girlfriend, you show in your post that others are going through the same issues and problems and working out ways to achieve things. It shows Mylannac that he is not alone and not to be embarased about the issues we all face as naturists, and that is an encouragement in itself.
   Good post mate.
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BeNdY
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« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2006, 06:31:24 PM »

Hey Myllanac,

I understand where you are coming from - and must also say I am extremely envious too lol. All of my girlfriends in the past were pretty much dead set against naturism in any way, so communicating freely with them about it and about my involvement was tough to do. It is very refreshing to see that you and your gf have a pretty good hold on things, evne if it is off to a slow start! It is common at first I believe to tie nudity in with a something more intimate between a couple, but just like the others said chances are that that will change over time after she gets used to it. It may even becoem somethign she enjoys on her own by herself too!
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lenne
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« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2006, 07:27:36 PM »

maybe, when you are going to check you\'re mail, can\'t you take her with you?
I know that it sounds a bit dump, but that way you\'re still with her aren\'t you, so she won\'t feel that rejected.

I think you shouldn\'t give up about introducing her into nudism.
Just be close to her a couple of times when you\'re nude and maybe you can try again to tell her what nudism is about when she\'s become more comfortable with it.
It\'s difficult for me to give you advice about this, since, in my case, I was immediatly into it and I understood what it was about.
Altough I can understand the feeling about you\'re girlfriend that she doesn\'t feel comfortable and that she wants to make something special about it.
I also have got a feeling like that when I\'m naked with shuyin...
Anyway, try to keep it slow with her, introduce her a bit more and be patient.
I know my advice is kinda crappy but you can\'t say that I haven\'t done the best I can.  :grin:

I hope this could have been of some help to you and I wish you good luck.

One more thing: when it turns out that your gf doesn\'t want to participate in the nudist way of life, I would just give her that special moment that she want when beiing naked with you and that you practice nudism when you\'re alone
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Anonymous
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« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2006, 06:21:16 AM »

Here\'s an article that might help. I forget where i got this from. It\'s a bit long so you might want to print it out and you and her read it.

Here\'s a couple more sites as well that might be a good thing for you both to read. http://www.travelites.info/cheri.html http://aanr.com/faq_woman_perspective.html. Just aanr.com and naturistsociety.com in general might help even. Do some site searching to find more stuff that might be good, there\'s lots out there.

Women & Social NudityWomen & Social Nudity

A Letter to Wives From a Nudist Spouse

by Pamela Johnson

Although I have never met you I am taking the liberty of writing to you because
I understand that you and your husband have become interested in nudism, and are
probably wondering whether or not to take the step and visit camp this summer.
My husband and I are nudists and just like you we found our way in by ourselves.
However, remembering all the vague fears and worries I fretted about which later
proved groundless, I would like to help you. Will you let me try?

There are so many fine books and magazines about nudists and nudism to advise on
the really big problems that I shall not attempt to discuss them. You are
probably pretty well satisfied in your mind about them at this stage any way. It
is those little worries, that buzz around like gnats that can be really
disturbing -- I know they were to me.

I must admit that one of my first reactions was the thought that I was
considering doing something that was contrary to everything I had ever been
taught about modesty and \"common decency.\" I read all the literature my husband
brought home, and intellectually convinced myself that it was a good thing --
but there the feeling was, and it rankled. Everyone assured me that once I had
made my first visit that feeling would be dispelled, but how was I ever going to
get around it even enough to let me make that first visit? Then I began to
reason this way. Don and I have a very happy marriage. We\'d shared good and bad,
and called the big decisions together and he had never asked me to do anything
that was wrong or really unpleasant. True I had not wanted to do some things at
first -- I remember my first airplane ride at his insistence -- but it usually
turned out that I liked it in the end. Then, too, this thing meant a great deal
to him, I could see that, and I have always maintained it\'s a poor wife who
won\'t give her husband\'s requests and desires at least one try.

Although I didn\'t discuss it with him, I was secretly worried that I wouldn\'t be
as attractive to him as I had been, compared with all the beautiful figures I
was sure must be there. I later found the answer to that one in the normal human
mixture of anatomy that was represented -- the great Average like myself, with a
sprinkling of both better-than and worse- than in the bargain. But the temporary
solution I found was the security I felt that our marriage was based on more
than physical attractiveness and that if I did fall a little short on that, our
mutual love and understanding would even the score. However, being a woman, I
began to watch the extra potatoes and ice cream, and found those impossible ten
minutes for a little exercise.

I must admit I wondered a bit about the sort of people I was going to meet, half
expecting some \"peculiar\" bohemians out of the pages of a Greenwich Village
novel. I eyed the Marys, and Hanks, and Joes we met with the gravest suspicion
which is rather funny to me now that I have come to know them better -- Mary,
the kindergarten teacher, Hank, the local optometrist, and Joe, the
patent-attorney. I was much relieved to find I didn\'t have to put my clothes in
limbo, so to speak, until we were ready to leave, and was mighty glad to put
some of them on again when my shoulders began to burn. I had one rather silly
notion which I acquired from looking over some pictures of the early camps and
parks. Almost every second picture showed a shivering nudist being doused with
cold water from a bucket by helpful friends, or a few industrious souls
exercising madly under a broiling sun. I made up my mind that if such was the
case, there I would draw the line.

Neither Don or I liked the idea of being herded into any sort of planned
recreation, and it was a pleasant surprise to find no one expected you to do
anything except just what you wanted to do. If we seemed inclined to talk, there
was usually someone to talk to, and we didn\'t once feel left out, for there were
plenty of invitations to join the volleyball game or badminton or whatever was
going. I permanently resigned from volleyball after several unsuccessful
attempts to get the darn thing over the net, but Don loves it. It was a
wonderful feeling to meet entirely new people, and enjoy new interests and
activities. By the time we were enjoying \"seconds\" in coffee at dinner that
first evening, we no longer felt like new-comers. There were no cliques to
crash, and with everyone on a first name basis there was no ice to be broken.
That is a peculiar thing you have to experience to believe, but there is a
friendliness about nudists that you find in no other group. As for Don and I, we
have come to count our nudist friends among our closest. They wear very well.

But so much for me and my experiences. I hope they helped. Now, if I may make a
suggestion -- since it is still not quite the season for all the camps and parks
to be open, why don\'t you try your hand at being a nudist in the privacy of your
own home. After all, charity isn\'t the only thing that begins there. Try
sleeping nude, if you don\'t already -- once you get used to it you won\'t want to
sleep any other way. That\'s the first easy step. Then, when you have your shower
or bath, don\'t grab for a robe except for comfort, of course -- do your nails or
set your hair or whatever. I think you\'ll enjoy it.

If you\'ve been egged on to some slimming exercises by the fashion columns or
helpful friends, try them without clothes, it feels wonderful. Of course if all
this is \"old hat\" to you, you are half nudist already. That\'s all it really is,
you know, since it\'s convenient and healthful at times to dispense with clothes
-- nudists do. We\'re not different from other people, just more comfortable.

Well, I have to stop and get supper now. I hope I\'ve been able to help a little.
Try it out at home, if you haven\'t, and then tell your husband you\'ll give it a
try at camp this summer. I know it will bring you closer together than you have
ever been, just as it did for Don and me, and you both will be happy.
See you at the park this summer.

Sincerely,

Pam



This article was first published in the nudist magazine Suntan in 1951. But
except for a very few topical references, it could have been written yesterday.
The observations and advice it contains are just as accurate now as almost 50
years ago. The article has been reprinted many times since then, including in
Clothed With The Sun (issue 7.3), the predecessor of The Naturist Society\'s N.

Pamela Johnson\'s husband Donald is the co-author, with William Hartman and
Marilyn Fithian, of one of the most comprehensive books on nudism in the U. S.,
Nudist Society, first published in 1970. Johnson was also an editor of the
nudist magazine Sunshine and Health.



[Home page] [Nude links] [Nudesletter] [Books]
Last updated: November 11, 1997
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myllanac
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« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2006, 06:43:09 PM »

Thank you all for the input.

It\'s hard trying to introduce non-sexual nudity to someone that I\'m crazy about and am very attracted to. I am by no means perfect, and almost all of our times nude were a little more than non-sexual to say the least... :-X. Basically I\'m finding it hard to keep our nudity non-sexual. I feel like I\'m playing right into her stereotype of nudism, that \'nudity=sex\' and that it take the \"specialness\" and intimacy out of nudity. What should I do?
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Achmed The Nudist
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« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2006, 09:54:28 PM »

Been there, done that. While my significant other is a bit of a nudist herself, I wouldn\'t say that we sit like two proper gentleman and chat in the times when we are nude together  :-. My suggestion is to try and do something that would distract you both from the intimacy. I don\'t know whether at this stage she would agree to join you on a trip to a nude beach or not, because that would definitely take away the intimacy. Or perhaps if she prefers to be nude in a more private setting, watch a movie? I don\'t see intimacy it as a bad thing anyway as long as it is not always related to nudity because again, she is not an ordinary person. As long as you can still have some intimate times when you are clothed and non-intimate ones when nude, the N=S link will dissolve in time. Hope my suggestion is useful.
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BeNdY
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« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2006, 08:55:56 PM »

I think there has been some really good input here on this subject. My take is that intamcy is way cool too! Especailly between couples who are truly close and have a well-rounded relationship all around. I hope my view on this isn\'t too controversial, but to take a page from Bri\'s book - we are all human and have sexual feelings/reactions for a reason. On another note, some control over this is necessary depending on the circumstances, and over time the N=S link can be broken. I guess it all comes down to the fact that there is a time and place for everything and it\'s up to our best judement to when and where that is.
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