Just Another Question ...

[Aaron Stern]

Well, now that I'm 18 and my girlfriend Jennifer ("Starting January 1, it's Jennifer, no longer that
'Jen'-stuff!"  ) will be 18 in June, she suggested we should start a family shortly after her birth-
day and then have our first baby. Though I had thought about it once or twice before, it came somewhat out of the blue for me; proof maybe that girls are just a step ahead of us daydream
boys. Anyway, truth is that I know Jennifer since she's two years old, and I love her dearly, and,
as I've mentioned in another tread, I can't imagine life without her. Her and my dad are long time
business partners and best buddies, and all of us are dyed-in-the-wool nudies. So far, so good.
Problem is, neither she nor I ever had another boyfriend/girlfriend; we both, of course, have our
little flaws and rough edges, but overall we get along so well there was never a real need to
look anywhere else. And all of a sudden my dad tells me once Jennifer and I are married and have
kids, I might one day wake up thinking, "Wait a minute, did I miss out on something here;
there were so many other cute, beautiful, charming, intelligent nudie girls out there, why on G'd's
Green Earth did I get stuck with this one? Just because she was "there"? Just because I was too
lazy to get up and search for another/(maybe even) better one?" And then he mentioned some
research claiming in most cases (?) it was detrimental for a couple to never have had sexual re-
lationships outside their union, in other words, to never have the chance to "compare". To be
honest, I'm somewhat confused now because I didn't expect this topic to show up this soon and I
didn't recognize this specific problem ("never been with another girl") could possibly turn into a
major problem later in life. Is Ann Landers listening? No, she isn't  , so any advice from a fellow nudie? Aaron

Yep, just another question ...
Now that Jennifer and I got married and are expecting our first baby, she went to yet another pre-natal examination to determine whether our little guy is doing o.k.  Well, they found out he's not.  Most likely, he "inherited" the same kidney condition I'm suffering from since I'm about six years old.  They told us beforehand the chances were less than 10%, but here we are.  To make things worse, the doctor suggested Jennifer should consider a mid-term abortion, but after consulting with me and our parents just now, she said no, unless the health outlook is getting worse (and by then, it might be too late for a "safe" abortion).  First, she was crying, and now she went to sleep, and I wanted to go to synagogue to pray and ask G'd to keep the little guy healthy, but decided to stay with Jennifer to comfort her and then talk about what we should do.  Sorry to bother folks here with a non-nudie question, but here it is:  were any of you in a, like desperate situation like this?  What did you do to overcome that problem?  Were you able to do it on your own or did you get help from family and friends?  Right now I'm just scared and confused, but I know there will be a way out of this, just need some time to get my brain working properly.  Aaron

[Aaron Stern]

Well, thankfully we got un-panicked this afternoon;  as soon as Jennifer woke up yesterday, shortly after I had posted here, we decided to do the obvious:  get a second opinion.  I called my nephrologist, and fortunately she was able to squeeze us in, for an 8 p.m. appointment.  In the meantime she had already discussed our situation, over the phone, with Jennifer's pre-natal-care physician, when we arrived at her office.  First thing she explained to us was that, after all the studies she had read about, and in her own experience, the chances of genetically transmitted (juvenile-onset) nephriticitis are under 10%, as long as the medical condition of the father-to-be is under control (exactly what she had told us long before Jennifer was getting pregnant) and that the standard tests (that were done by the pre-natal-care gynecologist yesterday) "are just not that reliable" (her words) as far as out-of-the-ordinary conditions go (like nephriticitis, for instance;  to some extend, I was glad my mom who's a gynecologist herself wasn't with us there last night, they might have gotten into an argument over this  - she and my dad are in Japan right now).  Secondly, she told us that pre-natal-care physicians are, in general, on the hyper-cautious side of things (which imho doesn't excuse this precipitous abortion talk as of yesterday), but to be on the safe side now, she ordered a specific kind of blood test the results of which Jennifer was given about two hours ago.  There is a slight chemical imbalance, but no significant indication of a future onset of nephriticitis (when I was born, in 1990, this test wasn't even available, so a heartfelt thank-you to medical research  !).  So overall, you can imagine Jennifer and I are extremely relieved and grateful - what a difference a day makes!
Part of my own panic (which I tried to hide from Jennifer as best I could) was that yesterday's bad news came somewhat out of the blue (it was, after all, just a "routine" examination), the abortion talk with all those ramifications, and the fact that my gynecologist mom was just this moment out of reach - bad timing for a 19-year-old mama-boy !   As I mentioned yesterday, sorry for bringing up this non-nudie stuff, and this was just an update, thank you.  Aaron

[Delta]

Let me get this straight: That physician was suggesting an abortion over a <10% chance of inheriting a disease? I thought they were supposed to avoid causing panic in their patients.

[Aaron Stern]

Let me get this straight: That physician was suggesting an abortion over a <10% chance of inheriting a disease? I thought they were supposed to avoid causing panic in their patients.

Sorry if I didn't make this clear, Delta, but the facts are
(1) the chances of genetically transmitted (juvenile-onset) nephriticitis are under 10%, as long as the medical condition of the father-to-be is under control;

(2) only when and if the fetus in question falls into this under-10%-group, and this fact was established by, as I described it in yesterday's post, "a specific kind of blood test" analyzed and evaluated by a nephrologist, you have to decide whether you want to abort the fetus or bring it to term, with the prognosis that the child will require extensive medical care and probably die at an early age; 

(3) Since Jennifer is now almost six months pregnant, time for this decision would be of the essence, if our baby had fallen into the under-10%-group;  the "standard test", analyzed and  evaluated by her pre-natal-care physician, obviously led him to believe that the onset of nephriticitis would be unavoidable, once the child was between one and two years old.

Those are the facts as I understand them;  why the pre-natal-care gynecologist didn't suggest/recommend the "specific kind of blood test" first, but instead talked about considering an abortion, is beyond me.  Aaron

P.S.:  On a lighter note:  after my nephrologist had given Jennifer the good news yesterday afternoon, we decided it might be a good time to choose a first name for our little guy, so I asked our relatives there (and my mom and dad in Japan, over the phone) to write their suggestion on a piece of paper, and their majority choice (17 out of 19) was  נוֹחַ  (Noah).  Jennifer and I had that (and three other) first names in mind before, so, with G'd's support, Noah it is  !  Aaron     

[Delta]

Let me get this straight: That physician was suggesting an abortion over a <10% chance of inheriting a disease? I thought they were supposed to avoid causing panic in their patients.

Sorry if I didn't make this clear, Delta, but the facts are
(1) the chances of genetically transmitted (juvenile-onset) nephriticitis are under 10%, as long as the medical condition of the father-to-be is under control;

(2) only when and if the fetus in question falls into this under-10%-group, and this fact was established by, as I described it in yesterday's post, "a specific kind of blood test" analyzed and evaluated by a nephrologist, you have to decide whether you want to abort the fetus or bring it to term, with the prognosis that the child will require extensive medical care and probably die at an early age; 

(3) Since Jennifer is now almost six months pregnant, time for this decision would be of the essence, if our baby had fallen into the under-10%-group;  the "standard test", analyzed and  evaluated by her pre-natal-care physician, obviously led him to believe that the onset of nephriticitis would be unavoidable, once the child was between one and two years old.

Those are the facts as I understand them;  why the pre-natal-care gynecologist didn't suggest/recommend the "specific kind of blood test" first, but instead talked about considering an abortion, is beyond me.  Aaron

P.S.:  On a lighter note:  after my nephrologist had given Jennifer the good news yesterday afternoon, we decided it might be a good time to choose a first name for our little guy, so I asked our relatives there (and my mom and dad in Japan, over the phone) to write their suggestion on a piece of paper, and their majority choice (17 out of 19) was  נוֹחַ  (Noah).  Jennifer and I had that (and three other) first names in mind before, so, with G'd's support, Noah it is  !  Aaron     

Maybe I misread part of your original post about this then. But it is good to hear that the more benign chance appears to be the more likely one.

[Aaron Stern]

Thanks for your kind words, Delta;  future looks bright again - until we end up in front of the next hurdle  , but that's life!
I think I'll leave it at that, because I don't want to overly bore my fellow YNAI-nudies with this personal drama.  If I may quote the
man formerly known as Doodles, "Nuff said!"  .  Aaron