Talking about nudism to women

[Uberreicher]

I've had a few problems with this recently and was wondering if anybody could help me with it. I've decided to start talking to my friends and family about my being a nudist, but I ran into some rough spots. All of my friends except for one are girls, and talking to them about nudism has been awkward. My one male friend is OK with it and even went skinny-dipping with me, but by girl friends (not romantic) have not all reacted well. I asked two of my female friends to go to a clothing-optional beach with me (Collins Beach, near Portland), but both of them said no. The first said she was uncomfortable with nudity because she was insecure about her body and because she was afraid of other people thinking she was unattractive. The second only said "maybe" and didn't really give me an answer (she does this a lot, so it doesn't even tell me how she feels about being nude). Talking to the first female friend was helpful for me, because I got to learn more about her, but she was still uncomfortable with nudity and said she would need a long time before she was ready for anything like going to a clothing-optional beach.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, which means I do not pick up on social clues and body language well, and I can sometimes miss seeing that a person is uncomfortable. I do not always get a second chance to explain something, so it is very important for me that I learn the correct way to phrase something. Because most of my friends are female, I need to know how to explain to them that I am a nudist, and how to suggest that they try it without making them feel uncomfortable. I also need to know how to talk to a girl who has body self-esteem issues about nudism. I thought nudism would actually be therapeutic for someone body issues, but most people don't seem to agree. Is there a way to talk about nude activities (hot springs, C/O beaches) with girls I don't know as well without appearing to have ulterior motives, like classmates? Just because I am a guy, girls will think I am just a pervert who wants to see them naked. I would like to know if there is a way to explain that nudism is completely non-sexual and that a naked body isn't a big deal for me.

Tips anyone?

[Storm29]

I'm still trying to figure this out myself actually. The first step I think you should do is be able to talk with your women friends about nudism in general or the fact that you're a nudist in a casual way before actually inviting them to try it with you. I mean, don't blatantly come out and say "I'm a nudist, this is what it's about, what do you think of it, please join me"...but while talking you can gradually drift the conversation towards the subject if other things in the neighborhood of nudism come up...for instance you're talking about school - interesting events that happened at school - the mud run - the mud run is clothing optional - I ran nude and there were several other nudists running also - it was a lot of fun, for example. Just get to the point where you can casually mention it and talk about it a few times and show how much fun/relaxing it is before casually mentioning "would you like to join me?". If they're further inquisitive about it, that's a big plus. If they're not, then I wouldn't worry about asking them. But you should also point out that the beach is clothing optional, there's no pressure to take anything off, and there's people of all shapes and sizes there, and no one will be staring at you, it's nice and relaxing, etc. I try to tell my fiancee the same thing, but she's still uncomfortable with her body issues, but I've figured out not to be too forceful on the subject of trying to get her to go with me, because she'll be completely turned off by it. She gives the same excuse as your first female friend - "would need a long time before she's ready". But it's good that your guy friend is okay with it and has gone with you, which is another positive point you can work into the conversation.

Well I hope this helps, and forgive me because I know nothing of Asperger's other than what you wrote about it, and I hope that none of my suggestions would be insensitive to someone in your position.

[Uberreicher]

I actually did find out the hard way that I needed to stress the clothing optional part of the beach. When I was talking to the first female friend I first described the beach as "nude" which made her very uncomfortable, and later used the term "clothing-optional". Hearing the second term made a huge difference for her, because "clothing-optional" meant she could take her time getting comfortable and choose whether or not to take her clothes off, as well as when and where. "Nude" took away the idea of choice for her because it implies mandatory nudity and made her think she would be forced to do something she wasn't ready for. She understands where I am coming from now, but I could have saved myself a few headaches if I had approached it differently from the beginning. In the future, I think the mud run and going skinny-dipping with my guy friend will be a segues for me.

Also, Asperger's Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (which goes from severe autism all the way to high functioning Asperger's Syndrome). I am on the very high end of the scale, but I still have a few problems. What I have is a lower ability to pick up on things like body language, verbal cues, and indirect language, everything but the words that are coming out of a person's mouth. I also have a hard time understanding sometimes why other people don't think the way I do. I've gotten a lot better at this since being diagnosed as a teenager, but I still have to work at it. No offense taken.

[papabare]

Great post Uberreicher My son (11) has Asperger's as well so even though I don't have it, I know where you are coming from   He is high functioning as well, again bad with social cues, body language, etc. I am glad you are able to deal with it well

I agree with Storm29's points. I always just bring up my naturism in casual conversation, family vacations, ya disneyland was nice, we stopped at a local clothing optional resort and had a blast, great people, fun times, etc. Fun Beach visits, yadda yadda And that was a very good observation, always mention clothing-optional when you can  Especially when inviting someone to come along

Enjoy, and good luck

[ComputationJason]

I actually think that most people respond better to you saying "I went to a nude beach/swim/whatever," than they do to you saying "I'm a nudist."  People are reluctant to change who they are (e.g. change from textile to nudist), but they are more willing to try something new.

Also, when you're inviting someone, keep it specific.  If they aren't very familiar with nudism, they will probably be uncomfortable and will just want to play it safe and say no.  So, it matters what they are saying no to.  Don't ask, "Would you ever want to go to a nude beach?" because now you're giving them an opportunity to reject nudism as a whole.  Instead ask "Would you want to go to a nude beach this weekend?" because then they are just saying that they aren't comfortable at this particular time.

This is how my experience has gone.  People don't know how to respond when I say I'm a nudist, but when I told them about the time I went to a nudist resort, they found it very interesting and some (including women) even admired me for it.

[Uberreicher]

Thanks for the input, everyone. I hope this can become an ongoing topic.