Polyamory

[DoctorManhattan]

Hey just curious to know what nudists think about polyamory or "swinging" or any type of deviation from the standard lets get married and thats that mentality. Personally I think that while I do want to grow old with someone and put all my love into one person, the idea of only making love to that one person for the rest of my life just seems impossible. I think I might have to find a swinger wife. Thoughts?

[37joshua]

The blogger Andrew Sulllivan recently discussed that issue about a week ago at his site at The Atlantic - if you're interested in looking at different perspectives you might look at it (personally I'm for total monogamy).

[papabare]

I have no issue one way or the other about any poly relationship. The only issue I have with 'Swingers' is when they get thrown in with 'Naturists', gives naturists a bad name, because naturist clubs are for Families usually, where as Swingers clubs are for adults only.

[DoctorManhattan]

Yea I hope naturists aren't associated with polyamorists but they definitely both take a thinking out of the box mentality. I checked out that blog, but if I'm looking at the one that you are referring to its just about how evolution prefers males to have more sexual partners. I don't agree with this because then it means females shouldn't do this as well. In my "ideal" world all experiences would be shared. I think the ultimate goal I have is to eliminate jealousy completely. Just not too certain about how to do this.

[Professor]

Polyamory should not be confused with swinging, first of all. Those who practice it that I have seen have been in committed long term relationships with more then one person, like going seven years on. Whilst swinging is having sex with strangers for kicks. My advice, relax, kick back and enjoy the dating game, love who you can and move on when its time and when your are ready to start a family you’ll know it. Chill, there is time.

[papabare]

Polyamory should not be confused with swinging, first of all. Those who practice it that I have seen have been in committed long term relationships with more then one person, like going seven years on. Whilst swinging is having sex with strangers for kicks. My advice, relax, kick back and enjoy the dating game, love who you can and move on when its time and when your are ready to start a family you’ll know it. Chill, there is time.

Actually swinging is not just having sex with strangers. Many couples swing with the same group/couples/etc for Years

[Noodie]

It's not for me and I personally find the notion a bit odd. I wouldn't judge others if that's how they choose to live their lives though.

The only issue I have with it is the one raised by papabare - i.e that certain places that are actually swingers clubs misleadingly represent themselves as naturist clubs.

[papabare]

That was one of the problems we had with our naturist club a few years ago, it became more than 50% 'lifestylers' which is swinger slang for swingers. There was a major split and now where there were only two clubs in AZ it became three clubs. Our club still has swingers in it but not the amount as before.

[friendsisthebesttvshow]

I dont really like the word swinger and what it means..............though you are right, it is difficult to find someone and love them for your entire life.......But I know people who can do that and have done that. My parents for example . They had an arranged marriage but love each other. As all couple they have fights too but very rarely

[tcsrg384]

It's a really interesting topic, actually. I feel like the entire idea of monogamy is one invented out of convenience and not something that is inherently "natural". I agree that the term "swinger" is very misleading and has a really bad reputation, but I have noticed that it seems that there is a growing number of young people who identify as being in an "open" relationship. I see absolutely nothing wrong with loving someone, being in a committed relationship with them and also being honest with each other and identifying that neither person would be happy only having sex with one person for the rest of their life. But having sex with different people doesn't have anything to do with loving them... your post makes it sound like you would find it hard to love one single person for the rest of your life, which is different.

Just like the separation between nudity and sex, I feel the same is true for sex and love. Sex happens when you are nude and sex happens when you are in love, but just because you are nude doesn't mean you are having sex and just because you are having sex doesn't mean you are in love. Nudity is an integral part of sex, and sex is an integral part of love, but they can all exist separately. Maybe that's just my crazy open-minded self talking, but that's how I feel anyway.

[Dario Western]

I have done a polyamory workshop at ConFest before, and I can tell you that it is neither 'deviated', nor to do with swinging.  Instead, it is about developing a loving and deep intimacy with a group of people that is based on commitment and strength just like a traditional marriage relationship is.

In some cultures polyamory is the norm, but they are small ones.  In our own cultures we do tend to feel a sense of jealousy when it comes to love and romance, and I think that it will take a very long time before mainstream society will be able to accept polyamory.

It's only just starting to accept nudity of a non-sexual nature, so non-monogamous relationships are still a way ahead yet. 

[Angel]

I have no issue one way or the other about any poly relationship. The only issue I have with 'Swingers' is when they get thrown in with 'Naturists', gives naturists a bad name, because naturist clubs are for Families usually, where as Swingers clubs are for adults only.

This, from what I heard swingers took over Caliente and Paradice Lakes resorts (2 former Nudist resorts) in Florida a few years ago.

I just hope that they don't take over any more to the point where Nudist resorts and Swinger resorts are inseprable.

[DoctorManhattan]

I have done a polyamory workshop at ConFest before, and I can tell you that it is neither 'deviated', nor to do with swinging.  Instead, it is about developing a loving and deep intimacy with a group of people that is based on commitment and strength just like a traditional marriage relationship is.

In some cultures polyamory is the norm, but they are small ones.  In our own cultures we do tend to feel a sense of jealousy when it comes to love and romance, and I think that it will take a very long time before mainstream society will be able to accept polyamory.

It's only just starting to accept nudity of a non-sexual nature, so non-monogamous relationships are still a way ahead yet. 

"I am but an egg," please teach me more.

[Kji]

I knew someone who was polyamorous, needless to say, it didn't work out. They basically acted like a couple, only with three people. Polyamory isn't about having sex with random people, that'd be swinging. I really don't believe in polyamory, I'm all about monogamy. I don't think you should get married or be in a committed relationship if you can't keep your (metaphorical) pants on.
Biologically speaking it's bad for a man to go around knocking up a bunch of girls, it'd put a huge strain on society. So up until reliable birth control promiscuity was a bad thing (I still think it is). The only people with multiple wives were those who could afford it, kings, aristocracy, et cetera.

[cupid_boy]

yes..as kji said, polygamy is the lifestyle of kings in olden days and might not suit well for the current modern age.
Its actually not difficult to find a person and love them for the entire life…but you will find it difficult to bottle the ‘entire love that you can give’ and gift it to one person…because you will search for ideally perfect match for you then which doesn’t exist…

Love and accept the person as they are and don’t ever try to measure how much they mean to you…because  the concept ‘love’ is vast just like sky and if you examine carefully your heart  will find love and a ‘liking  substance’ in every human being (I mean even in same sex:))….so making up relation with many just because you feel love for them at some point in your life is not the proper way….

I mean to say..have a committed relationship (physically and mentally) with a single person with whom your ideas match most and for the rest of those for whom your heart desires to give them a place, there is no objection in mentally connecting to them…loving someone does not necessarily require both of them to end-up in ‘living together’ or ‘sleeping in the same bed’……

The jealous factor will always be there whether it is monogamy or polygamy..in the former, people compare their partners with others and in later there is a comparison within themselves…

I don’t know if people start thinking in a different way in future..but at present monogamy is safe for society.

No offence meant..just my thoughts

On a liter note, dear DoctorManhattan, don’t try to find swinger wife..but try to find a naturist wife